alexis avenged

noraswerld:

Dear London…

I love you, I love you, I love you (I love you)…I have been at your beckon call for the last 5 days. I have meticulously cared for you and I have foregone any significant sleep since the day you came home from the hospital..not just last week, but that one time, when you were born? and I took you home?..yeah..that hospital. I have spoken to you softly and kindly and rubbed your back and feet while you were recovering from the tubes that were gently placed into your tiny little ears last week. You are more important to me than coffee..you rock my world…but listen up, child. You have been a real dickhead the last two days. You have. This is a fact. You have whined, and bossed me around, and you woke me up in the middle of the first real sleep ELEVEN times last night and the night before. London, cut the shit. You’re fine now. You have been fine for 3 days. Now you’re just taking advantage of the worrying, vulnerable state that I was in. Maybe if I hadn’t seen you running around at the park, doing cartwheels and dancing around the house in my high heels, I’d feel differently. But I know, I KNOW that you are just fucking fine. You do not need to sleep in my bed. You do not need to cry (unless something is bleeding or you are being abducted)…This is your last warning, if you wake me up tonight, or whine about ANYTHING, or demand me to do one more God Damn thing for you? I am going to walk up to your room, take a dump on your bed, lay on your floor, and scream at the top of my lungs “I NEED SUMPIN, I NEED SUMPIN. GET ME SUMPIN.” THEN, I’m going to throw all of your shit all over the floor, not clean it up, and walk into the bathroom while you’re trying to pee, alone…and stand there until you get me my fucking milk..and if you don’t? I will flail my arms in your face and tell you how much I want my daddy… if this doesn’t work? I am shipping you off to baby boarding school…in China. You will make IPhones and fake Gucci bags.. Last chance. Mark my words. Last-fucking-chance.



Love, 
 Your Mother

noraswerld:

Dear London…

I love you, I love you, I love you (I love you)…I have been at your beckon call for the last 5 days. I have meticulously cared for you and I have foregone any significant sleep since the day you came home from the hospital..not just last week, but that one time, when you were born? and I took you home?..yeah..that hospital. I have spoken to you softly and kindly and rubbed your back and feet while you were recovering from the tubes that were gently placed into your tiny little ears last week. You are more important to me than coffee..you rock my world…but listen up, child. You have been a real dickhead the last two days. You have. This is a fact. You have whined, and bossed me around, and you woke me up in the middle of the first real sleep ELEVEN times last night and the night before. London, cut the shit. You’re fine now. You have been fine for 3 days. Now you’re just taking advantage of the worrying, vulnerable state that I was in. Maybe if I hadn’t seen you running around at the park, doing cartwheels and dancing around the house in my high heels, I’d feel differently. But I know, I KNOW that you are just fucking fine. You do not need to sleep in my bed. You do not need to cry (unless something is bleeding or you are being abducted)…This is your last warning, if you wake me up tonight, or whine about ANYTHING, or demand me to do one more God Damn thing for you? I am going to walk up to your room, take a dump on your bed, lay on your floor, and scream at the top of my lungs “I NEED SUMPIN, I NEED SUMPIN. GET ME SUMPIN.” THEN, I’m going to throw all of your shit all over the floor, not clean it up, and walk into the bathroom while you’re trying to pee, alone…and stand there until you get me my fucking milk..and if you don’t? I will flail my arms in your face and tell you how much I want my daddy… if this doesn’t work? I am shipping you off to baby boarding school…in China. You will make IPhones and fake Gucci bags.. Last chance. Mark my words. Last-fucking-chance.

Love,

Your Mother

Hahahahaha. Found this at the bookstore

Hahahahaha. Found this at the bookstore

Hahahahaha. Found this at the bookstore

Hahahahaha. Found this at the bookstore